I know there are other interesting men out there (they are still pursuing me!
), but I am still more interested in seeing what this man has to show. The good: You have the awareness and self-esteem to realize your boyfriend is not the last man on Earth. You need more safety and intimacy, and when you don’t get it, you feel triggered.
Which is basically the entire premise of online dating, right?
That’s exactly why Unless you’re as attractive as Channing Tatum, a negative, juvenile, or off-putting username will have her “nexting” you instantly.
But, as someone with an anxious-frightened attachment style, this can be particularly provoking for me.
He is always open and available to speak about my needs and feelings – but is not always equipped to handle my expressions.
To put it in perspective, pretend you're a young, hot woman (you know, the kind you want to date).
Now imagine 100 messages coming into your inbox each day.
Sure, having the perfect name on your profile never outright guarantees success.I wonder about the balance of “wait, grasshopper” and ” believe the negatives” – both of which I have read from your columns.I wonder – should I cut my losses or stick things out a bit longer to find my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?Now what makes things even harder to navigate is this: you’re really stuck on this guy. Why bail on a promising relationship just because there’s a hint of trouble? And you can’t let fear make your decisions in life. As you’ve identified, there’s a chance he won’t be able to overcome his past, but it seems to me like he has all the best intentions in attempting to do so.And you’re writing to me to make sense of what seems like contradictory advice, “wait and see,” or “believe the negatives and run.”Honestly, you don’t have to decide today. Which is why I see this situation through a prism of cautious optimism. As I see it, the script of your relationship has yet to be written. One of my favorite quotes is: “The only risk is the one not taken.”I wonder if she would consider staying if she was 10 years younger than she is now.We seem to share a vision of what our futures look like.